I knew that I could die if I stayed in there too long. I kept asking myself if it was safe, or was I stupid for exposing myself to the extreme cold in an icy lake.
The level of pain that gripped my whole body was intense and I had to fight hard to stay in control of my thoughts. As my extremities started to go numb and the alarm bells inside my head intensified, I focused on my breath. That helped. A little.
Now, whenever I look at this photo of me bathing in the freezing water in the heart of winter, I’m amazed at how relaxed I look. I almost give off the impression that I’m finding it effortless to be in there.
However, the reality was very different. My mind raced and screamed at me to get out of the water. My brain was telling me that I was in serious danger and that I needed to change my situation immediately. After only a few measly minutes of being in the water, I couldn’t feel my hands and feet and knew that it was time for me to leave.
Just outside of Finland’s capital city Helsinki, there is a beautiful national park called Sipoonkorpi. In winter the frozen lakes and outdoor pools of the park attract many cold-seeking Finns. The ice gets broken and the water waits patiently for swimmers to test their mindsets in the chilling temperatures.
There is a little café and sauna right next to the lake so that ice-dippers can warm themselves up afterwards. The theory is that moving between the two extremes of the sauna and the icy water is good for your body and an invigorating way to cultivate physical and mental wellbeing. I was desperate to give it a try.
It was during a recent winter break to Helsinki that I got the opportunity. I was there on holiday and wanted to seek out some interesting things to do. I did my research and discovered that the park was only a short bus ride from the city centre. I didn’t need a lot of convincing so packed my swimming trunks and set off to embrace the cold.
Whenever I recount my experience of ice swimming, I always get asked ‘Why?!’. Every time. Without fail. For me, the answer is simple: I wanted to gain more control over my mind.
A few years ago, I started to experience very severe anxiety and panic attacks. At the time, I honestly thought that I was dying. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and it was incredibly frightening. My racing heart, shaking hands and constant state of fear was overwhelming.
All of this came out of the blue, and I was ill-equipped to deal with it. I didn’t have any tools or tricks in place to manage my mental health and my mind was spiralling out of control. I was desperate to find a solution.
After extensive reading and research into what I could do to take back control of my life, I came across Stoicism. This changed everything for me. The Stoic philosophers of Ancient Greece and Rome used to deliberately challenge themselves as a way to develop a resilient mind.
This ‘voluntary discomfort’ was used to train for future adversity that they might encounter in day-to-day life.
The Stoics would deliberately expose themselves to the cold and the heat, sleep on hard floors, fast from food and water and push themselves both mentally and physically. I fell in love with this idea and decided to test it out with my own Stoic-inspired challenges.
To cut a long story short, this has had a profoundly positive impact on my life and completely changed my relationship with anxiety for the better.
Thanks to the Stoics, I’ve been using challenges as a way for me to build mental resilience, learn more about how my mind responds to difficult situations and develop confidence in my ability to face adversity. I now look for challenges in many different places, from running marathons, to climbing mountains, to learning new skills.
Some of the things I’ve done have also been quite weird. I’ve climbed Mount Everest on my stairs during lockdown (yes, it was incredibly boring), slept in unusual places in a sleeping bag, eaten strange food, deliberately dressed like an idiot (I’m an introvert so that one was very hard for me), learned to pick locks (don’t worry, they were my own) and queued – for no reason other than to work on my mindset.
When I announced to my family and friends that I would be going ice swimming in Finland, no one was surprised. Not one bit.
I had a few reservations about how uncomfortable the experience might be but was determined to find out for myself. When I took those first steps into the biting lake, I will never forget the shock I felt as my body hit the water. It literally took my breath away.
I kept reminding myself that there was a sauna nearby. I knew that I could warm myself up there if things became unbearable and this helped me to endure the discomfort.
After my first and painful dip, I walked across the snow to the sauna. I would love to tell you that I gracefully made my way there, but that was not the case. I couldn’t feel my feet and hobbled across the ice, red from the cold, looking like some sort of gremlin. The regulars bring plastic shoes to get from the lake to the sauna but I clearly didn’t get the memo!
As soon as I got into the warmth, I was amazed at how my body reacted to the extreme change in temperature. My body began to convulse. This uncontrollable shaking lasted several minutes and at first was a little alarming. It was an unusual sensation that only began to settle down when my core temperature returned to normal.
I proceeded to spend the next few hours running from the lake to the sauna and then back again. Constantly getting in and out of the water, swimming lengths of the pool and pushing myself to endure the cold was tough but left me feeling incredible afterwards. My whole body buzzed and I felt elated.
The endorphins were flowing, and I got a real appreciation for why this is such a popular part of Finnish culture.
The whole experience was topped off with a hot chocolate that tasted incredible. This was probably made sweeter by the fact that my masochist adventure had finally come to an end.
I truly believe that stepping outside of our comfort zones can be a great way for us to build mental strength.
Although this can feel difficult and counterintuitive at times, I’ve personally experienced a massive boost in confidence from doing it. I’m sure that others will too.
It starts with cold showers, and before you know it, you’re in the middle of a glacial lake, trying not to swear at the top of your lungs. Have I convinced you to give it a try yet?
I’m currently training for a tough endurance event and using ice-baths to help me recover. Each time I fill the bath, I think back to the frozen lake in Finland and it makes me smile.
That was a challenge I will never forget.
My Life Through A Lens
My Life Through a Lens is an exciting series on Metro.co.uk that looks at one incredible photo, and shares the story that lies behind it. If you have an experience you would like to share, please email jess.austin@metro.co.uk with MLTAL as the subject.
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