It doesn’t take much for a two bedroom flat to start feeling very, very small.
An extra couch, for instance, an oddly placed TV stand, or too many appliances on the kitchen counter.
But nothing can make your home feel smaller than an argument with the person you’re sharing it with, especially when you’re in a relationship with them.
Before moving in with a partner, we don’t spend every waking moment with them.
We know it’s important to keep some of our lives separate, and it’s easy enough to do that when you only see each other a few days a week.
Once you move in together, though, it’s impossible to hide from one another – in every sense of the word – and post-lockdown, or during a heated argument, sometimes, that’s the only thing you want to do.
Even without an argument, spending too much time together can be a buzzkill: you start to get annoyed by the small things (especially the things you used to find endearing) and can end up feeling suffocated and claustrophobic.
Why is it important to get space from your partner?
‘Spending time apart is the new quality time,’ says senior psychologist and relationship specialist Sally Baker.
‘It doesn’t matter how much you love your partner, most of us have overdosed on each other at some point.
‘Spending too much time together is frequently the death knell of intimacy – unless you’re in that short, magical honeymoon phase when everything about each other is a novelty, which is why spending time apart is paramount to reignite interest and passion.’
Psychotherapist and relationship specialist Stina Sanders seconds this: ‘As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, which is why it’s important to regularly have time apart from your partner.
‘Not only does space keep the relationship fresh and healthy, it also allows each individual to maintain their independence and identity while in a relationship.
‘When partners have their own set of interests, friends and time for self, they’ll feel happier and not bored or suffocated by their partner.’
How to get space from your partner when you live together
Again, it’s easy to give each other space when you aren’t sharing a letting agreement.
Living together makes alone time complicated: who gets to stay in the living room and who has to chill in the bedroom?
Who gets to binge watch Netflix while the other reads a book or plays on their phone?
Who will wrap up and take a solo walk in the winter, while the other has a warm bath?
Here are four expert-endorsed ways to get space from your partner when you’re under the same roof:
See your friends and family separately
Seeing old friends and family members can be a well-needed break from your home life.
You get to indulge yourself in their news – good or bad – and enjoy your time with loved ones.
‘If you have family and friends who live close by, see them regularly or stay at their homes for a weekend,’ says Sanders.
‘You could even book holidays or long-weekend trips away with your loved ones, which will allow you and your partner to have some breathing space for more than an evening.’
Stick to your hobbies
‘It’s really important that you both keep doing solo activities on a regular basis so that you can spend time apart,’ says Sanders.
This is why it’s great to have hobbies, especially separate hobbies.
Whether it’s a team sport, painting or book club, make an effort to keep up your solo activities so that you don’t smother each other.
It’s also good to remember that not everything needs to be a date: if you want to go to the museum or to the cinema, why not go alone?
Relax separately
Again, it can be easy to slump on the couch and watch a film together or even go for a walk, but it can be just as beneficial to do that alone.
‘If you and your partner work and live together, make a point to relax separately,’ says Sanders.
‘That could mean watching Netflix in your room while your partner reads a book next door.’
Communicate
‘As a general rule of thumb don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your partner,’ says Sanders.
It can be easy to forget that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Don’t be worried about offending your partner if you’re feeling suffocated.
‘If you want space, don’t hesitate to make it known,’ Sanders adds.
‘Effectively communicate that you need a couple of hours to yourself.
‘Not only will this keep you both on the same page, it will prevent resentment down the line.’
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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